The Life Of A LittlBUGer

This is in a reply to one of my original posts: http://blog.littlbuger.info/2007/10/22/ahh-the-intimate-vasectomy/

Well, for anyone who cares, I wanted to follow up on this as I should have long ago.

After about 3 months time, I had the fun chance of sending in my first ’sample’.  For those of you who don’t know, this meant that my wife and kids had to all get ready to leave, then my wife went and helped me do a ‘quickie’ so I could ‘go in a cup’.  Then we had to seal the cup, rush it to the doctor’s within a certain alloted time, and then hope for the best.  This wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have kids, or was single, or something, but it’s a little embarrassing when you need to make sure you entire family is ‘ready’ for your “spooge test”, as I call it.  So we do this, get to the hospital, and I have my wife (yes my wife, not me) take the sample in.  She comes back and said she brought it to the correct people.  They asked what kind of sample it was.  She said “the ’special’ kind…”…

In any case, the results probably took about a week to get back to us in the mail.  From what I could read on the results paper, I was in the clear.  And to confirm this, with a nice little hand-written reply, my doctor, the one that did the ’surgery’ wrote his fantastic comment, “Congratulations, we cut the right cords!  :-)”  Ahh yes, exactly what I wanted to hear.  I laughed and cried at the same time.

I have yet to go in for my 2nd official test (though I still have the pre-labeled cup ready to go).  My wife hasn’t gotten pregnant yet, so I’m assuming that means I’m good.  And we’ve had plenty of times for something to happen.  So that ladies and gentlemen, completes this story.  I hope you enjoyed it. 

P.S.  From comments I’ve gotten on this and those who are now skeptical about actually going through with this yourself, please disregard what I said, to an extent.  Yes, it’s 100% true, but you need to look at it in a different way.  Just keep thinking, “Anytime, anywhere, without any protection, without any worries…” and you’ll understand why it’s worth it. 

I had an experience just the other day that I know I’ll never forget. They call it… a vasectomy… or in other man-like terms, getting neutered, losing your man-hood, cutting off your dick/balls, etc…

It all started with going to the doctor, dropping my pants, and taking some medication to help calm me down and relieve pain. This was while I had I wait for the doctor to even come in while the woman nurse did her thing. Next there was the fun part of tying a thick rubber band around your penis and then using a clamp to clamp it to your shirt to hold it up and away from your scrotum (balls). Next was the fun part of them preparing the area, shaving where necessary, putting loads of extremely cold iodine, and finally having my wife help re-tie the rubber band as it fell off (how nice to have your wife, the man doctor, and the nurse with you all together, in the same room, playing with your dick). Next was the not too bad shot-of-doom, which helped dumb the skin and area a bit before they actually used the no-scalpel method of ripping a small hole into my balls.

Then the fun began. I couldn’t feel them poking around a bit or moving my balls around, but then a sudden surprise made me jump. He found and grabbed my first tube to be worked on and pulled it a bit out of the hole. The feeling was… well… like being kicked really hard in the balls, but about 50x worse… and it was non-stop. So the good doctor decided to give me a short right there to help. Luckily, after a few minutes of extreme pain, it helped and he quickly finished up with the first tube. Next he was on to the second and final tube. Again, pulling of tube, pain of being kicked in the balls but worse, shot to help, and he was done in no time. Unfortunately it didn’t seem like no time. Something that probably only took 20 minutes felt a bit longer for me. Maybe some would call me a pussy, but I just call it a completely new and unexpected experience that I wasn’t prepared for.

So then the good doctor puts a single suture to help the hole close and asks me to hold some gauss there to help stop the bleeding and nasty oozing as I sit up. So there am I, sitting there holding my balls as I’m drenched in iodine, with the doctor (and don’t forgot the female nurse) helping clean things up… and then out of nowhere, he wants to shake my hand and congratulate me. I’m sitting there, holding my balls with my right hand (the hand I shake with), in a kind of shock over the whole thing, and he wants to shake my hand like it was nothing. So I slowly extend my left hand, kind of give me a quick side-shake, and that was that.

So now it was all over and done with… or was it? NO! Now, for at least one week, I get to wear fricken whitey-tighteys (briefs as they call them) to help hold things in position, which is underneath the damn jock strap for extra support. It feels like I’m wearing a fricken tight-ass diaper with no room to move or breathe. On top of that fun, around 4 times a day, I get to put a hella cold ice pack down there with my jock strap holding it tight in place, helping my balls freeze to death (or help lessen the swelling, whatever) for 20 minutes. So not only do I get to feel like I’ve been kicked in the balls many times, but now I feel like I’m wearing a tight diaper and hell froze over down there. What a fun and entertaining experience I think. At least my wife has some medication left over from her last pregnancy that will help knock me on my ass, but still.

After all of that, I thought it was over, but oh no, I have to go back twice within a 3 month time span and give two “samples” to make sure I’m completely sterile. If I’m not, I get to have the whole experience over again. Oh joy. To make matters worse, I can’t have sex for at least a fricken week. Now, for those of you who don’t know, my wife is damn hot and sexy and is a near nympho, which doesn’t bother me. But the problem comes to the previous week before all of this fun. She’s gotten a shot of depo (medical students know what that is) in her ass which gives her a 97% chance of NOT getting pregnant for 3 months. Well, it also has side effects like getting her slightly fatter and completely taking her sex drive away. So there I am, wanting to have sex a lot before my surgery, and she doesn’t want any part of it. And now here I am, all done with the surgery, not wanting any sex my self, and suddenly her medication wears off… she wants sex like crazy, and she wants it good and hard right now. I cried all night long…

And that ladies and gentlemen, is The Intimate Vasectomy.