The Life Of A LittlBUGer

Well, Halloween has come and gone, and so comes the time of year, where the next couple of months is spent on gaining 30 pounds after first eating candy for weeks, then eating Thanksgiving food for weeks, and then Christmas food after that.  Seriously, for people like me, who just don’t have the time (motivation) to exercise and work out, it just damn sucks.  But we get through it, only to realize Valentine’s Day will be near and so on and so forth.

Sadly, yes, I’ve actually thought about every single month of the year which holidays happen, how much it costs, etc., etc.  I got sick an tired of always having things change and always having to compensate our budget for holidays and special occasions, so I tried to figure out which time of the year things would calm down and be nice and quiet.  Because there’s people out there, like me, who don’t have savings, and who have a family to feed and just get by on the money we make each month.  Well, it turns out, it never does get calm and quiet damit!:

• January:  New Year’s Eve - Where you get drunk off your ass and don’t remember where that $500 went to… or that stripper you gave it to.
• February: Valentine’s Day - Can’t you just hear the fat melting off of you during your passionate love making?  No?  Neither can we… the fat remains while the sex does not.
• March: St. Patrick’s Day - Seriously, must we repeat the month of January so soon?  Oh, we throw in the color green and crazy leprechauns? Party!
• April: April Fool’s Day - Where either you paid to make the big laughs, or clean up after them.  So who’s the fool?  The fool that fools the fool or the fool who’s fooled by the fool?
• April (2): Easter - Shall we learn about Christ and praise Jesus on this holy or create ridiculous candy, food and games loosely based on bible themes that almost shame the purpose of the day?  I bet you voted for the candy!
• May: Memorial Day - Eh… yea you’re right, that doesn’t count.  Onward!
• May (2): Cinco De Mayo - Yes, this IS a real holiday!  :p
• May (3): Mother’s Day - It’s bad enough we have the wife’s birthday and Valentine’s Day and our Anniversary and other crap to deal with and buy shit for, but this too?  Damn…
• June: Flag Day - Seriously, this is a big…. oh who am I kidding, this doesn’t count either!
• June (2): Father’s Day - Don’t worry dads, you don’t actually get a day to yourself and not have to spend any money.  You should have re-thought that joint checking account and 5 kids idea…
• July: Independence Day - A time where it’s actually fun to spend your money because you get to blow people shit up!
• August: Don’t worry, though there’s no big holiday this month, you’ll have plenty of birthdays, anniversaries, fall parties, and other things to empty your pockets with.
• September: Labor Day - Hey, what do you know, you may end up not spending any less than $10 this day.  Good for you!
• September (2): Grandparents Day - The time of year where millions of people see and smell the joy of silly sweatshirts, cotton socks, and Old Spice cologne!
• October: Columbus Day - I need to seriously stop posting these useless holidays… but it’s just so fun!
• October (2): Halloween - Haven’t we just recently been over this before? 
• November: Veteran’s Day - Sorry, I had to post one more just one last time!
• November (2): Thanksgiving - Nothing says ‘thanks’ more than a bunch of old guys with beer guts hanging out yelling at the TV.
• December: Christmas - The grandest and most expensive day of the year… so big, it sometimes begins in late October and ends in early September.  Now that’s celebrating The Lord isn’t it!  Wait, screw that, I just want the gifts…

So, as you see, there’s no end to the misery of your money, time and energy floating away for you.  Because big business is smarter than us and we seem to accept that.  Oh well then eh?  Let’s go out and buy a new computer, because everyone knows, Christmas start on November 1st!  What about Thanksgiving?  Who cares! 

On a brighter note, just for fun…

The Portal Game End Song Lyrics:

This was a triumph,
I’m making a note here: Huge Success.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science…
We do what we must because we can,
For the good of all of us,
Except the ones who are dead.

But there’s no sense crying over every mistake,
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun,
For the people who are still alive.

I’m not even angry,
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me,

And tore me to pieces,
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because,
I was so happy for you.

Now these points of data make a beautiful line,
And we’re out of beta, we’re releasing on time.
So I’m GLad I got burned, think of all the things we learned,
For the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me,
I think I’d prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.

Maybe Black Mesa…
That was a joke, ha ha, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway this cake is great,
It’s so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there’s science to do,
When I look out there it makes me GLad I’m not you.
I’ve experiments to run, there is research to be done,
On the people who are still alive.

And believe me I am still alive.
I’m doing science and I’m still alive.
I feel fantastic and I’m still alive.
And while you’re dying I’ll be still alive.
And when you’re dead I will be still alive.
Still alive…
Still alive…