The Life Of A LittlBUGer

Hello. I was just curious if there were any other gamers out there who, for some reason, don’t already have Half-Life 2 and HL2: Episode 1 and who are interested in getting them for cheap? Because of my recent purchase of “The Orange Box”, I have two licenses to the above games, and thus in the Steam client, I can give the two games above to anyone I chose as a “gift” which would use one of my licenses. This is completely legal (it’s part of Steam—thus you’d need to install Steam for free and download the games through it) and it would be the full versions. Normally these would sell for somewhere around $30-40, but I’d be willing to sell them for a minimum of $10 if anyone is interested. Please let me know. Thanks.

Well, like many other gamers out there, I had to buy “The Orange Box” recently because I just couldn’t live without Half-Life 2: Episode 2, Team Fortress 2, and Portal. Portal was fantastic and I can’t wait until they implement that technology into other mainstream games. GlaDOS and the ending were just brilliant. I have yet to play HL2: Episode 2 because I’ve been too enthralled with the other games…

Team Fortress 2 on the other hand is kind of a mixed bag for me. Don’t get get me wrong, the game is good—nice graphics, sweet facial expressions, frickin hilarious at times, nice new features, and of course it’s the damned sequel to one of the greatest co-op multiplayer games of all time that’s FINALLY here. So it’s good overall. But there are a few… issues… that really bug me almost to the point of where I didn’t want to play it anymore. These include but are definitely not limited to:

1.) The maps. Obviously, it came with few maps and only two different types of maps. This is somewhat understandable as the game is new and they probably wanted to let the modding community to start hashing out stuff or to give them ideas. Then again, it’s been what, 8 FRICKIN YEARS and they only started it out with 6 maps??!! Grrr….

2.) Grenades… where the F*$K are the damn grenades?! This was one of the main features/highlights of the original TFC, to be able to not only throw and properly time the regular grenades, but to get your own special grenade based on your class chosen. It not only added another great element to the game, but it allowed for so many more things that wouldn’t have been possible. I just feel robbed without grenades and it just seems to simplify the game a bit too much, like there’s not quite enough stuff to use or at least have the availability to use. This is more or less unacceptable to me and almost made me not play the game at all after the very first time I tried it. Damn you Valve, damn you! This BETTER be FIXED in the next release/patch…. GRRRRR….

3.) Armor… again, where the hell is all the damn armor?! It’s bad enough that there’s still uneven balances between a few certain classes that allows many people to get killed way too easily, but to then also take armor out completely, the one thing that allowed you to survive that much more longer, give yourself a sense of extra security, and yet add another exciting element to the game… and it’s not there?! GAH!!! Again, unacceptable and just plain ridiculous.

4.) As I mentioned above, not quite balanced classes. Most of the things are balanced pretty decently, but the damn spy and sniper are way too powerful in this game. It’s just damn silly really. The spies can not only become a member of the other team, but they can go completely invisible?! Are you fricking kidding me? It’s hard enough at time to keep those damn spies at bay when they are already disguised as your own teammates, but to completely make them invisible is just damn crazy stupid and nearly impossible to detect. Oh, and their ability to destroy a turrent is just sad. And then there’s the sniper… let’s not only give him the ability to kill people with ease (if the player has skill) because no one has any frickin armor, but to then allow his gun to “charge up” and become super powerful and allow for one-hit kills almost no matter where you shot the victim? Seriously? Gimme a break!!!

Anyway, those are the main points for my dislike of the game. Other than the fact that, for my main class (Engineer), you can’t tell if the enemy is by your dispencer and thus destroy it to try and kill him, and your turrent is just plain too loud and obnoxious (and thus easy to spot/destroy). And what’s up the with teleportation technology? You just released Portal with these game set, yet you have the sick sad excuse for a “portal” in TF2 instead of using the ones in Portal… yea… Oh yea, and the ability for medics to heal from a distance… nice in some situations, bad in most.

So there you have it, my little rant on The Orange Box. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, as I know I … might have.

I had an experience just the other day that I know I’ll never forget. They call it… a vasectomy… or in other man-like terms, getting neutered, losing your man-hood, cutting off your dick/balls, etc…

It all started with going to the doctor, dropping my pants, and taking some medication to help calm me down and relieve pain. This was while I had I wait for the doctor to even come in while the woman nurse did her thing. Next there was the fun part of tying a thick rubber band around your penis and then using a clamp to clamp it to your shirt to hold it up and away from your scrotum (balls). Next was the fun part of them preparing the area, shaving where necessary, putting loads of extremely cold iodine, and finally having my wife help re-tie the rubber band as it fell off (how nice to have your wife, the man doctor, and the nurse with you all together, in the same room, playing with your dick). Next was the not too bad shot-of-doom, which helped dumb the skin and area a bit before they actually used the no-scalpel method of ripping a small hole into my balls.

Then the fun began. I couldn’t feel them poking around a bit or moving my balls around, but then a sudden surprise made me jump. He found and grabbed my first tube to be worked on and pulled it a bit out of the hole. The feeling was… well… like being kicked really hard in the balls, but about 50x worse… and it was non-stop. So the good doctor decided to give me a short right there to help. Luckily, after a few minutes of extreme pain, it helped and he quickly finished up with the first tube. Next he was on to the second and final tube. Again, pulling of tube, pain of being kicked in the balls but worse, shot to help, and he was done in no time. Unfortunately it didn’t seem like no time. Something that probably only took 20 minutes felt a bit longer for me. Maybe some would call me a pussy, but I just call it a completely new and unexpected experience that I wasn’t prepared for.

So then the good doctor puts a single suture to help the hole close and asks me to hold some gauss there to help stop the bleeding and nasty oozing as I sit up. So there am I, sitting there holding my balls as I’m drenched in iodine, with the doctor (and don’t forgot the female nurse) helping clean things up… and then out of nowhere, he wants to shake my hand and congratulate me. I’m sitting there, holding my balls with my right hand (the hand I shake with), in a kind of shock over the whole thing, and he wants to shake my hand like it was nothing. So I slowly extend my left hand, kind of give me a quick side-shake, and that was that.

So now it was all over and done with… or was it? NO! Now, for at least one week, I get to wear fricken whitey-tighteys (briefs as they call them) to help hold things in position, which is underneath the damn jock strap for extra support. It feels like I’m wearing a fricken tight-ass diaper with no room to move or breathe. On top of that fun, around 4 times a day, I get to put a hella cold ice pack down there with my jock strap holding it tight in place, helping my balls freeze to death (or help lessen the swelling, whatever) for 20 minutes. So not only do I get to feel like I’ve been kicked in the balls many times, but now I feel like I’m wearing a tight diaper and hell froze over down there. What a fun and entertaining experience I think. At least my wife has some medication left over from her last pregnancy that will help knock me on my ass, but still.

After all of that, I thought it was over, but oh no, I have to go back twice within a 3 month time span and give two “samples” to make sure I’m completely sterile. If I’m not, I get to have the whole experience over again. Oh joy. To make matters worse, I can’t have sex for at least a fricken week. Now, for those of you who don’t know, my wife is damn hot and sexy and is a near nympho, which doesn’t bother me. But the problem comes to the previous week before all of this fun. She’s gotten a shot of depo (medical students know what that is) in her ass which gives her a 97% chance of NOT getting pregnant for 3 months. Well, it also has side effects like getting her slightly fatter and completely taking her sex drive away. So there I am, wanting to have sex a lot before my surgery, and she doesn’t want any part of it. And now here I am, all done with the surgery, not wanting any sex my self, and suddenly her medication wears off… she wants sex like crazy, and she wants it good and hard right now. I cried all night long…

And that ladies and gentlemen, is The Intimate Vasectomy.

Life… is like a game… and no not the damn board game… damn evil thing. No, life is like a computer game… with different difficulty levels.

Now, you only get once chance, no saves or restore points, no second chances or time to think about an action before it’s done or see the future before it’s set… where would you want to play in the game of life?

Choices:

- Unmarried/Single life is like the Tutorial Level: You are just learning who you are and what you need to do (and how to do it) or if you already know, then it’s just damn ridiculously easy and fun.

- Married/Partnered life is like playing at Very Easy: Money and health aren’t an issue and you usually just have too much damn fun screwing around the game all the time with your significant other.

- Married with One Child is like playing at Easy: You’ve finally begun your quest at an official difficultly and yet can still enjoy the simpler things in the game and have some decent fun with few worries or challenges.

- Married with Two Children is like playing at Medium/Normal: Now you are in a place where most other people are and where most are expected to go and you now realize that things aren’t as fun anymore and difficultly has greatly increased, but you still get by OK.

- Married with Three Children is like playing at Hard: You understand the meaning of work, pain, suffering and the like and struggle to get through on most occasions though you get gratification of eventually accomplishing the many large difficult tasks/challenges/obstacles laid before you.

- Married with Four Children is like playing at Very Hard: You envy everyone else while no one envies you and life seems to be almost like living in Hell while being attacked all of the time with only the few high points that keep you going, away from the brink of death at every turn, no matter the intense pain and suffering constantly presented.

- Married with Five Or More Children is like playing at Extreme/Insane/Hell/etc.: You’ve lost grip with yourself, your partner, your friends and with reality and have gone completely insane and wish to either die quickly or kill everyone else without a pause of thought or emotion or remorse… OR you are just a crazy Mormon with too much damn time on your hands.
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I thought you’d say that.

NOTE: This story is in no way meant to hurt or be rude to those that are Mormon or to the Mormon religion. I happen to have Mormon friends and think very highly of them. I just can’t help the thought that every single Mormon family I’ve encountered has at least 5 kids, or more like at least 10. Please disregard any comments made to Mormons here… Thank you.

Welcome all to my new blog! I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should actually start one, so I finally did. It’s still under construction but should be fully ready soon. Until then, I’ll post a few entires I’ve already posted in my forums to get things started. Please, tell all your friends, and enjoy!